Have you been banned yet?

This is the official Facebook page for the NCFA. When it comes to adoption, they would like you to "consider the possibilities". I tried to tell them about the result of those "possibilities" but they banned me from the page - there's a big surprise. So, to balance out the copious amounts of rainbow colored propaganda that will be spewing forth this month from the NCFA and others, I have to post my own list.

What I Hate About Adoption

 1.  It separated me from my daughter for 22 years.

 2.  My daughter's original birth certificate is trapped in the state of FL.

 3.  My original birth certificate is trapped in the state of NJ.

 4.  Open adoptions close.

 5.  Open adoptions are not legally enforceable.

 6.  Shaming... my family felt the need to hide me from the rest of the world when I was pregnant.

 7.  My family felt the need to hide my own adoption from me.

 8.  Mothers of adoption loss don't get to speak their minds without being labeled angry and bitter.

 9.  Adoptees don't get to speak their minds without being labeled angry and ungrateful.

10. Most people believe I made a choice - willingly.

11. I'll never get my daughter's childhood back.

12. People are hurt by adoption every day.

13. The voices of mothers and adoptees are ignored or silenced and deleted.

14. Money is more important than people.

15. Coercion still exists.

16. Pregnant women are exploited by media for perceived entertainment value.

17. People actually watch the so-called entertainment.

18. Adopted people lose their ancestry.

19. Adopted people lose their medical history.

20. Adoption causes trauma.

21. Adoption begins with loss.

22. Adoption is not something you "get over". It's with you for life.

23. Reunion doesn't "fix" the trauma.

24. Adoption doesn't "fix" infertility.

25. Adoption is viewed as a "fix" for abortion.

26. Adoption is viewed as a "fix" for poverty.

27. Language is prettied up to disguise the truth in the form of "positive" adoption language.

28. Adoption is big business.

29. There are literally price lists of adoption situations babies.

30. PAPs are led to believe that they are "saving" a baby.

Thirty days in November and 30 reasons why I complain about adoption. If you feel so inclined, pick a thought from the list and let the NCFA know what you think about adoption. How long will it be before you get banned?

PS: I tried to find the credit for the lovely animated rainbow colored puke but couldn't find who did it. I couldn't resist using it so my apologies to whoever you are. :)

Building families? - no, building bottom lines

In my travels through the blog world I came across a letter that Sandy at Musing Mother posted in her blog called Sinners and Saints. This letter is from the then president of the National Council for Adoption and it was written in 2006. He titled it Reviving the Institution of Infant Adoption. That line alone was enough to get my back up. I'll give you a few pieces from that letter here but I encourage you to go to Sandy's blog and read the whole post.

"This choice of parenting over adoption is often the default decision, due to the mother's lack of understanding of and information about adoption. She bore the child, so, of course, she should "keep it." and how can any mother "give away her baby?" Due to this common instinctive reaction, frequently reinforced culturally and by those around her, the woman with an unplanned pregnancy is often unable to consider adoption freely and make a fully informed decision."

When I first read that paragraph my breath literally caught in my throat. Then it made me laugh. Default decision?! What else would it be? That's how it's supposed to be! Seems to me like the NCFA just doesn't like that women might actually be getting some support from friends and family, support to keep and parent their own children. They would much rather convince her that "making an adoption plan" is a much better decision. And, isn't it funny that this is what we've been saying from the other side..... women in the position of facing an unplanned pregnancy aren't getting all the information they need regarding the consequences of surrender. Maybe women are getting more informed and the NCFA just doesn't like the direction that the information is taking them.

"NCFA is expanding its efforts to revive the institution of infant adoption through sound pregnancy counseling and public communications that promote infant adoption awareness and understanding. NCFA's infant adoption awareness training program teaches pregnancy counselors how to present the adoption option to women with unplanned pregnancies."

Yes, they're going to "counsel" women right out of their babies lives. Who is paying for this counseling? Who is training the counselors? They are, so what kind of spin do you think they'll put on this counseling? Follow the money. They make money when a woman surrenders so how do you think the counseling will go? They will gear it towards encouraging a woman to surrender her baby. This is where the so-called positive language comes in - see what I wrote a couple of posts down below in Language and Lures. They are expanding their efforts because they've been hit in the wallet since the rate of infant adoptions has declined.

"A recent study commissioned by NCFA and the Family Research Council revealed valuable insights into the birthmother's choice of adoption. In-depth interviews of 45 birthmothers addressed the emotional process, thoughts, and feelings they went through in arriving at their adoption decisions. Some findings came as no surprise. For example, in order for birthmothers to feel right about their decision, it was necessary that they made the decision voluntarily. Many who felt they had been coerced or tricked into adoption, mostly older birthmothers, were bitter about it."

So this is how they learn their techniques. They study us, find out what buttons to push and then gear the counseling and advertising that they do to steer young, vulnerable women in the direction of adoption. So, they don't want mothers to be bitter - is this what I'm supposed to take from that last line? I don't feel I was coerced, I know I was coerced. Now, instead of just being open about their agenda, they've gotten sneaky about it. If they play the game right these young women will come away from this experience thinking this was all their idea and gee, they're even happy about it. Then they use these happy surrendering moms to convince more mothers to do the same thing. This is how they "build families" and bottom lines.

The last paragraph...

"For the sake of children, birthparents, and families, NCFA seeks support for advancing counseling, media, and policy strategies to revive infant adoption in America. Will you partner with us in this vital cause?"

Well, sorry NCFA, no support here. They actually strategize on how to separate mothers from their children. They want a revival! They make me sick.