More evidence of the power imbalance

Most of the time, when reading blogs from mothers who have recently surrendered their babies, I see the usual rainbow and butterfly propaganda from the adoption industry spewing forth - sometimes it's more like projectile vomiting and I just want to duck. Today I read a post that was different. This mother sees just how unethical and unfair the industry is and what she had to say just enraged me.


"I learned that everything that I did in my frantic, desperate attempts to keep my son with me, were to no avail, from negotiating my and W’s Dr., hospital and anesthesiologist fees, to a plea for Medicaid only to be denied because I made too much money. I would have had to file bankruptcy if I had kept him and that purely because W is ‘adopted’, regardless of the scenario of his adoption, or the income D & H make, that 1) he receives $175/mo in free formula from WIC for his first year, and 2) he is on FREE Medicaid for his first year, and 3) they will be getting more food allowance from WIC once he turns 6 months as he begins to eat solid foods."

Well, millions of us know the story of being stuck in the middle and falling through the cracks. You don't  make enough income to pay for what you need but make too much income to qualify for any help. It's a crappy place to be. So a single mother who is trying desperately to take care of her child is denied Medicaid yet the people who adopt her baby - who obviously had the funds to pay an agency the adoption fees and we know how high those can be - get $175/mo in formula for a year and Medicaid for a year. They get this help because they adopted. AND add to this the ridiculous tax credit/refund of something like 13,000.00 they'll get simply for adopting. All of this help is available to the couple taking the baby but none of it is available to the child's mother. This is sickening! How many more posts have to be written, what do we have to do to get people to see this industry for what it is?

Sometimes I think about not doing any more posts here because it can be so difficult to keep it up. It's just hard to keep talking about such an emotional, personal and painful subject. If I could just go about my life and not have to think about this crap anymore I would certainly have less stress but when I see stories like this I feel like I can't stop. I just want to scream. I want to shake people. Women lose their children because of money yet we (the taxpayers and that includes the mother who lost her baby) give money to the people who can afford to buy those children. Why aren't more people enraged by this?

Resolve to keep talking

I learned about this organization Resolve - The National Infertility Association from a post on Facebook. They are lobbying to get tax credits for people suffering from infertility because the cost of treatment is so high. I find that a wee bit frustrating. Are there tax credits for those of us who have been through cancer? I'll be paying on those medical bills for years. Cancer is a life threatening crisis. Is infertility a life threatening crisis? They call it a crisis on the website. Now I'm not trying to minimize the pain that people feel when faced with this problem, yes I know it's painful, but how about a little perspective. The catastrophic and dramatic language that they use to get their point across can be a bit much. You're not going to die if you don't have a child.

Of course this group is also pushing adoption, it's all over the site. Adopters already get a huge tax credit to help them with the cost of adopting yet most natural mothers who surrender their infants are doing so because of lack of financial support. Why is that? If the adopters were really concerned about doing what they could to help children they would be adopting an older child from the foster care system who really does need a home. And....those adoptions cost very little if anything. Suppose a baby's natural parents aren't able to be there for the child and a family member is raising that baby. Where is the big tax credit for them? If they're really concerned about children why don't they do something to help single mothers instead of taking their children away from them? They don't because the adoption industry and groups like this push the adoption agenda which is of course money in their pockets and because they're more concerned about their own crisis of childlessness.

Resolve is having a family building conference next month. This is from the site....

So, You Want to be a Parent? Nothing can Stop You! The keynote speaker at Southwest Region’s 19th annual family building conference is Bill Grundfest, an award-winning writer and producer. “If what you want is to be a parent, nothing can stop you," Grundfest said. "And, once you are, the ‘how’ you became a parent will make no difference to anyone, least of all to you.” (bold my emphasis)

Well Mr. Grundfest, I beg to differ. Do you really think that if a couple become parents through infant adoption that it will make no difference to anyone?! How about the mother who will be grieving for her child for the rest of her life. How about the child who has been taken from his natural family, has been cut off from his history, has had his birth documents falsified, who as an adult is still treated like a child and not allowed to have his own personal records. What about all that?

When are adults going to start showing more concern for children and less for themselves? Everything I said above may sound like a broken record but every time I come across another site like this and attitudes like that of Mr. Grundfest I get pissed off all over again.