The stench of hypocrisy

I'm having a hard time with the news right now. It's no secret how much I can't stand this current administration but right now I'm so enraged I can barely speak. The sight of children crying for their mothers, children behind bars and in facilities not knowing what's going to happen to them, the mothers not knowing where their children are, it's horrific and disturbing that this is what our country has become. I saw this article today and on one hand I'm glad to see it but on the other hand, I want to know where these leaders were when our babies were being ripped from our bodies and our arms and taken for adoption!

From the article.....

Cardinal Daniel DiNardo, president of the United States Catholic bishops’ conference and archbishop of Galveston-Houston, denounced a recent decision by Attorney General Jeff Sessions that women fleeing domestic violence and families fleeing gang violence are not eligible for asylum.

“At its core, asylum is an instrument to preserve the right to life,” said Cardinal DiNardo in a statement he read aloud to the bishops.

The Catholic church has long advocated for the rights of immigrants and refugees, and while the bishops have criticized Mr. Trump’s immigration policies before, this letter amounted to their strongest censure yet.

“Families are the foundational element of our society and they must be able to stay together,” the Cardinal wrote. “Separating babies from their mothers is not the answer and is immoral.”

Oh really Cardinal? I'm glad you're standing up for these children and their families but why couldn't you do the same for me and my daughter or the millions of others separated by adoption? Why are people outraged by what's happening now but don't seem to have any outrage over babies being separated from their mothers at birth for infant adoption. It is still happening. Every. Single. Day.

What's the difference? We all know the answer to that. Let's all say it together shall we - follow the money.

With the situation of the immigrants, the church gets to stand up and act all righteous. See? We're about helping families. We have family values. Where are those family values when it comes the mother and child bond if the mother is unmarried? That's right. It goes right out the window because babies are big bucks. Gotta keep the machine rolling but at the same time, gotta pretend that these family values mean something, so they show the world how caring and just they are with one hand while the other hand is cashing in on the profits made by tearing families apart.

Bishop Edward Weisenburger of Tucson, Ariz. suggested to the meeting that “canonical penalties” be imposed on Catholics “who are involved” in the policies of family separations, though he did not specify what he meant. Canonical penalties can involve denial of the eucharist or even excommunication. His suggestion was not adopted.

His suggestion wasn't adopted. Big surprise. How I would love to see penalties for those involved in the policies of family separations. They could start with a Catholic Social Services file from 1979 that includes a document they coerced me into signing when I was only 6 months pregnant. That document gave them custody of my daughter at birth. How about looking into the legality of that? Do you think any of these people in the church give a shit about that?

Although I'm glad to see leaders standing up for those immigrant families, the stench of hypocrisy is sickening.

Writing at Lost Daughters

The other day my friend Amanda from Declassified Adoptee asked me if I'd like to participate as an author on the blog Lost Daughters. This is a blog written by a group of female adult adoptees who share their ideas and views of adoption and also share their own stories. I was honored to be asked. I have so much respect and admiration for the authors included at Lost Daughters. Even though here at this blog, my focus is on my role as a natural mother who lost a child to adoption, I'm also an adoptee. I'm a late discovery adoptee raised by my natural mother and adopted by my step-father. That's not quite the same situation as most of the other authors there but I imagine I still share some of the same thoughts and concerns that they do, particularly about the adoption industry. Anyway, the link above will take you to my first post there and more of my story as an adoptee.

Occupy Adoption

Occupy Wall Street is growing and spreading across the country. People are taking to the streets to take back their power and now it's moved on to the virtual streets of Facebook. Wouldn't it be amazing if there was such a thing as Occupy Adoption? The main idea of OWS is getting the money out of politics. Doesn't the same thing need to be done to adoption? The money has to be taken out of the adoption system in order for children's interests to be considered first. REAL family values have to be considered important. Mothers have to be considered important to their children, not interchangeable depending on who has the deeper pockets. Babies are bought and sold in this country just as our politicians are bought and  mothers are left bleeding at the side of the road.

a roar
“hearing her pain,
she stood up and spoke out loud.
another heard.
another spoke.
forming a circle around the wounded,
they bared their scars to one another.
gently they whispered.
we are one.
we are not in this alone.
we are one.
the chant grew stronger.
and stronger.
and stronger.
until a roar shook the earth.
and the world listened.”
~terri st. cloud


Thanks to FB (where I found Terri's words) and blogging we're getting the word out about the power hungry and the family starved. Just as people who speak out against corruption in government are sometimes  painted as anti-American, those of us who talk about power imbalance and corruption in adoption are labeled as anti-adoption. Am I anti-adoption? Yes and no.


My 'anti' list.....
mothers and babies being separated unnecessarily.
agencies and brokers making tens of thousands of dollars on the sale of babies
price lists for babies - oh, pardon me.... "situations"
pro-adoption language like the word "situations"
college scholarships for mothers who surrender their children for adoption
organizations like NCFA who lobby for the brokers
the lies of open adoption
the unenforceable open adoption
the time frames in which a mother can sign surrender papers
the ridiculously short revocation period for the mother
agencies advertising for and recruiting pregnant women
PAP's advertising for babies 
pre-birth matching
PAP's in the hospital with a mother when she's giving birth
the connection between abortion and adoption
adoption used as solution by pro-lifers
adoption used as solution to poverty
the lack of resources for mothers and children
the sense of entitlement that many PAP's have
adoption being viewed as a solution to infertility
adoptees not having access to their own personal history
sealed original birth certificates




My 'pro' list.
true orphans or children in need being taken care of by a family


As you can see the 'anti' list is far longer than the 'pro' list so I guess that makes me about 99% "anti-adoption" but it's not un-American to speak out against unethical practices. (I'm sure there are things I've left off the 'anti' list, I'll add them as they come to me.) The mothers and adoptees who are affected by the corrupt adoption system make up the bulk of the people involved in the industry but have the smallest voice. I think that's changing. Like OWS, the number of voices is growing. It needs to keep growing for the sake of families.

I love this list How To Really Love a Child by Sark. I would add to it.....


Keep children with their mothers and natural families whenever possible.

Religion and reality

I've been reading Sam Harris's book Letter to a Christian Nation. I read it a few years ago but decided to pick it up again. It's funny how different things jump out at you when you're in a different place in your life. When I read the paragraph below it screamed adoption at me.

"One of the most pernicious effects of religion is that it tends to divorce morality from the reality of human and animal suffering. Religion allows people to imagine that their concerns are moral when they are not - that is, when they have nothing to do with suffering or its alleviation. Indeed, religion allows people to imagine that their concerns are moral when they are highly immoral - that is, when pressing these concerns inflicts unnecessary and appalling suffering on innocent human beings."

The zeal of the religious to stop abortion may make them appear to be coming from a morally superior place - in the eyes of other religious people anyway. For many the morally correct stance is not to allow contraception. Then add to the list the abstinence only education for teens who are dealing with raging hormones and there you have the mix that creates the perfect environment for the religious to press their concerns and push the adoption agenda. Talk about inflicting unnecessary and appalling suffering on innocents! The unwavering faith in what the religious authority has to say allows people to simply wear blinders when it comes to the results of following those dictates. Why else would the BSE be allowed to be continued for so long? How could people who are normally loving and compassionate people, be duped into believing that sending girls away and forcing them to live without their children is the best solution for an unplanned pregnancy? So many people claimed that family is everything yet could send their pregnant daughters to go live among strangers to deal with such a traumatic experience on their own. That is truly a divorce from reality. The sad thing is these attitudes still continue today which is why adoption in it's hideous form still continues today.

"You believe that your religious concerns about sex, in all their tiresome immensity, have something to do with morality. And yet, your efforts to constrain the sexual behavior of consenting adults - and even to discourage your own sons and daughters from having premarital sex - are almost never geared toward the relief of human suffering. In fact, relieving suffering seems to rank rather low on your list of priorities. Your principal concern appears to be that the creator of the universe will take offense at something people do while naked. This prudery of yours contributes daily to the surplus of human misery."

This is the shame that created so much pain for so many millions. This belief, combined with the idea that only a married couple - defined as one man and one woman - is capable of raising healthy children, continues to cause pain for many more adults and children. This is another huge divorce from reality. Sadly many women are still raised in these beliefs and think they're doing the right thing when they hand over their babies for others to raise. It's only after the fact, and sometimes decades after the fact, that they wake up from the delusion of  "adoption is wonderful". In the meantime their children are living with the day to day reality of being an adoptee. The trickle down consequences of adoption continues for generations and it all stems from the belief that sex without a certificate of marriage is bad.

If the religious were really pro-life they would welcome new life regardless of the marital status of the mother. If they were really pro-life they would do all in their power to keep sacred the bond between a mother and her child. If they were really pro-life they would make sure that a new child is taken care of within their own natural family. If they were really pro-life they would do all in their power to prevent the suffering of living human beings, not just blastocysts. The suffering caused by adoption is immense yet the blinders are still on thanks to the immense power of religion to turn something natural and beautiful into something dirty and shameful. Equally as shameful is the adoption industry that uses people's beliefs in these ideas against them in order to acquire babies to sell and line their pockets with the cash.

Preserving Families

A lovely lady in Gatesville, TX wrote to me to tell me about this organization alley's house. Their mission:

"Empowering teen mothers and their children to achieve independence through support services, education and mentoring."

Yes! In traveling through their site I couldn't find any indication that they were promoting adoption. They're a group of people dedicated to helping young moms by giving them support, help with goals, structure, education, parenting etc.... Just imagine how many families could be preserved if there were more places like this. Imagine how many mothers could keep and raise their children well if more federal dollars went to places like this instead of toward pushing the adoption agenda through huge tax incentives, grants and loans.

Convincing a poor, young, single mother to surrender her baby does not in any way help that mother. It causes heartache, despair, anxiety, depression and sometimes even suicide. Supporting her through programs with volunteer mentors, helping her to get her diploma and go on to college is going to allow her to raise her child and make a better life for herself. Unlike the adoption agencies who use college scholarships to entice mothers to surrender their babies, these folks believe you can keep your child and get educated.

I'm all for that. If anyone else knows of an organization similar to this one, please let me know. I'd like to add them to the list of resources for single moms.