A stone faced counselor sits next to a sobbing young mother who had just given birth less than 48 hours earlier. The counselor is holding the paperwork that will forever legally sever this mother's connection to her baby. As the mother is crying the counselor says "Are you feeling a little bit emotional about your adoption plan?" A little bit emotional?! At this point I wanted to throw my laptop through the picture window in my living room. Thankfully I kept my wits about me since I don't have the cash to replace either one right now. Yes, I made myself watch that horrendous show I'm Having Their Baby. I saw it online before it actually aired on TV. I had to pause it periodically so I could calm down. Of course as I'm watching it I'm asking myself why I'm putting myself through this. I did it so I could know exactly how the adoption process was being presented by them. Did you know that those xxxxxmother letters are now books? The industry has really ramped up the advertising/marketing end of things. POD sites must be making a bundle.
Maybe we could look at it this way - let's say that it's a good thing this show was made. You say WHAT?! I know... but maybe it actually gives us some ammunition we need to fight infant adoption. They're just blatant about the coercion of the agency, laying it right out there for all to see. The problem of course is that not many people seem to recognize the coercion for what it is. And the other problem is that the show itself is contributing to the coercion. No, I haven't lost my mind. I do not believe this show is a good thing and I'm still working on the boycott of it. I'm just thinking of ways to use it against the industry. Considering that "Bethany" was on every agency door that the women walked through, it wouldn't surprise me if the whole idea for the show came from them and the NCFA.
What I find the most astounding about watching the show is the cold, hardheartedness of the agency workers. They were very careful not to refer to these women's children as babies. They were simply adoption plans. There was no caring, no sympathy. I know it's their job to get the baby from the mother but I don't understand how a woman could be so cold to another woman who is grieving so deeply. When the other mother on the show told her counselor that she was no longer comfortable with the PAPs she chose, the counselor said she was going to have to figure out how to handle things since she didn't want the couple to "go through the heartache of losing a child". Wow! That was another "pause it and calm down moment". To say that to a woman who is about to lose the child she just gave birth to is nothing short of monstrous. All the sympathy is for the adopting couple while the mother is treated as nothing more than a walking womb.
At the end of the show when one of the mothers tells the agency worker that she's keeping her baby (HOORAY!) you can see the change in the workers face. The sale fell through so have a nice life and out the door. It was time for her to quickly make the next coercion appointment to keep the bucks coming in.
I don't think I can stomach another episode.
Great blog. I am sharing this everywhere I can think of now, and later.
ReplyDeletethose poor paps and their heartaches. never mind about the child's mother and hers.
ReplyDeleteand people fall for this stuff!
it just confirms to me, again, that no one sees us as human.
we are merely things to be used.
Great post! I haven't watched the episode thankfully and I am not sure I could either from what you are saying here.
ReplyDeleteI hope that this blatant disregard for women and THEIR babies will start showing the adoption industry up for what it is... you are all doing great work in getting the word out there. Perhaps in part, this is why agencies like Bethany and of course, the NCFA need to air these shows... it really is just another marketing ploy. Getting sympathy for the PAP's so more women might fall prey to their trap to place their babies. Their intentions are made clear when they name their show with such a coercive title and, from what I understand from the show's page on facebook, make the mother's look unworthy to keep their children.
Again, great post!
Yes, it's always about the paps. Don't want them to go through the heartache of losing a child. God forbid...
ReplyDeleteThe adoption industry as a whole is the most worried about the paps feelings as they are the ones supporting the multi-billion dollar industry in the first place.
The mother growing, nurturing, and giving birth to the infant however is a different story. Just because she dared to even think about adoption, she is relegated to the role of "unworthy". Due to considering adoption as an option, it no longer matters that when she signs on the dotted line, she will have to go through the heartache of losing a child.
Not just any child will she lose though, she is losing a child borne OF her, BY her, a child whose cells will remain in the mothers body for decades. This is a TRUE loss, not the loss of the IDEA of a child, but the loss of her actual flesh and blood.
Just reading about this show makes me sick, I don't know if I will ever be able to watch it.
Thanks for all your comments. And yes Susie, it is all about the PAPs. They're the ones with the money so of course that makes them entitled to not only someone else's infant but also all the compassion that the industry can muster.
ReplyDeleteI'm assuming there was no mention about how "the adoption plan" loses "its" mother and gains a fake birth certificate after being sold off to "its" new owners?
ReplyDeleteAnd here I thought that our mothers and we were human beings instead of factory and merchandise. Silly adoptee. :-(
You guessed right. You knew that would be the case of course. We were walking wombs and you were commodities.
DeleteJust watched myself, and as you say, I doubt it will do it again. At least one of the young women did keep her baby, but I couldn't help notice that the young woman who did give up here baby...was adopted herself. Take away from the show:
ReplyDeleteADOPTION BEGETS MORE ADOPTIONS.
I watched this episode and as disturbing as I found all of it, I thought the adoption "counselor" for Mary (the mamma who got to keep her baby)was the most disturbing part. This woman laid not so subtle guilt trips on that mother over and over again reminding her that not choosing the first set of AP was going to crush them and then saying it again when she chooses to keep HER OWN baby! I was sick watching it. Then she leaves mom and baby with a condescending "Good Luck, " as though single mothers haven't been surviving and thriving for generations and she was surly going to fail.
ReplyDeleteI am elated for this mother, she looks like a totally different person at the end of the show, as though she was just pardoned from a death sentence.
I cant watch another episode but Im happy I saw at least one baby get to keep his mom.