I was going through my sketchbook looking for ideas for another painting and came across these notes. It was about a small interaction that would seem to be insignificant to the ordinary person who hadn't experienced what we've experienced. It was a moment of real simplicity yet something that could mean so much in the heart of a mother.
An exchange between me and my daughter-in-law about going to the movies to see the latest in the Twilight saga became something more. My daughter lost and found, expresses a desire to go along says.... "If you and mom go see it let me know how it is!"
"If you and mom".... there are the magic words. It's been 10 years in reunion and I still get a thrill when I see or hear the word mom or momma come from her. It doesn't get old. I don't think it ever will.
so happy for you. i am in reunion for ten and a half years, get phone calls all day every day, get told every intimate detail of her life and yet my daughter calls only her adoptive mother, mom. when i am introduced i am referred to as her birthmother. her children, my grandchildren do not know of life without me call me grandma. so strange. so sad.
ReplyDeleteI don't foresee hearing those words but you just never know. I'm so happy that you do.
ReplyDeleteHow wonderful those words would be to hear! Perhaps one day...
ReplyDeleteyes i am amazed, my daughter directed that i am allowed to call myself grandma first name. such a statement seems so weird, i am her mother. i am not a criminal having to ask permission to enter. I still don't know her. I love the twilight movies and wish she did too. But does she have her father's preferences? they would not be the same as mine. does her environment trump my heredity? and just like mary any profound likenesses i ponder and cherish in my heart.
ReplyDeleteMy son called me his mother once, on the Facebook App "My Heritage", not long after I found him a few years back. I can't tell you how that made me feel. His adoptive mother joined Facebook a few months later and put a stop to all of that. He promptly deleted the APP and took me off of the listing as his mother. He now lists her as his mother on Facebook. It's all about her, her, her... We have no relationship now whatsoever, thanks to the lies and deceit of his adopters. I am sure they are jumping for joy at the sabotaging of mine and my child's relationship, because it was always all about THEM. They never cared about anyone but themselves and that will never change.
ReplyDeleteHe also, corrected one of his friends on MySpace about a year before I found him. His friend asked him if he was still going to see his "mom" when he turned 18. He quickly corrected his friend and said "you mean my BIRTHmother". I see my "mom" everyday".
Such a double edge sword, that I will always get the short end of, thanks to insecure, possessive adopter. Her "supposed" infertility I will pay for, for the rest of my life.
No, adopter, I am his mother. You are his purchaser who had the privilege of raising him.
So happy for you and the good relationship you have with YOUR daughter.
sorry karen and to teach your son he has the right to be so rude. buyers are so ammoral
ReplyDeletefunny thing is that they went on and on about how they would tell him how much I loved him, wanted the best for him, etc., when they were courting me for my infant. All a bunch of lies. Once they saw that adopting my infant didn't cure the "pain" of her infertility, (even though she had her own child a few years later) they sure changed their tune.
DeleteI found several postings on social networking sites with him badmouthing me and his natural father. They ALLOWED (and I am sure encouraged that). Why? Because they are the one's who planted those seeds of mistrust and dishonor of us. I knew all I needed to know then. They have done nothing but betray me and my trust, instead of building a bond between all of us that was supposed to benefit my child. All LIES.
Sorry to post negativity on this post which truly is wonderful for you, Carlynne. I am very happy for you...
DeleteKaren, there's no need to apologize. There's nothing easy about any of this and I truly wish it could be better for everyone. I wish mothers who feel shame could be open to their children and I wish some adoptees could be open to the truth and not be influenced by people who don't have their best interests at heart. (((Karen)))
DeleteKaren Carlynne's story is the exception, not the rule. And of course we are happy for Carlynne, but there are some horrific abuses in adoption AND I SERIOUSLY WISH that once a mom finds out that buyers lied to procure a child they can have THEM declared unfit and harmful to the child and have the contract voided and have the child returned. Their deception was quite ammoral and the sad thing is, these self-important down talkers many times have absolutely no idea they are doing vile creepy things. There are a few adoptive moms i met that talk like this in front of their boughten babies and i want to go postal on them.
ReplyDeleteI called my mother Mom from the first, and my father dad. Then his son told me that my family was the one who raised me and that i would never be part of their immediate family. Only 1 person in my real family acknowledged my 50th birthday this past November, even though i met them all. Mother, father, 2 half bros, numerous aunts, uncles and cousins. Adoption hurts so many. I'll never really be OK. I try, but I've just lost too much, and I can never get it back.
ReplyDeleteAnd amom told me numerous times, "don't forget, SHE gave you up", even after I found them at age 48. And as a child she used to scream, "you don't have another mother". Sick, sick stuff. No person should have to live like this.
ReplyDelete