One of the things that makes me crazy is the blatant coercion that agencies use to lure in single, pregnant women. I can't even count the number of times I've heard that expectant mothers always have a choice. "No one held a gun to your head" is a common line. "You're the one who signed the papers" is another one. Why don't people understand that coercion takes many forms and sometimes that gun is shaped like this simple piece of paper.
I was poking around online the other day and came across this agency site. One of the most reliable "guns" in their arsenal is this piece of paper. Can you imagine being a young woman, single, pregnant, not knowing where to find resources or who to turn to? You think you found help and are then faced with this worksheet. Do you think the agency is going to give the woman information about where she can find resources to parent? Of course not. They're just going to show her this list and explain to her why the HAPs are so much better than she is. They'll grind down her resolve number by number until she surrenders.
So here, I printed the form and filled it out for them. This is what a mother has to offer. This is what every expectant mom needs to put on her list.
And for those who can't read my messy handwriting....
1. Love
2. The safety of remaining with the only heartbeat and voice she knows.
3. Health benefit of mother's milk.
4. True birth certificate with all rights intact.
5. True identity and name.
6. Forever relationship with extended family.
7. Forever relationship with siblings.
8. Freedom from the damage of separation trauma.
9. Medical history.
10. Genetic mirroring.
11. Freedom from the feeling of abandonment.
12. Knowledge that her mother did everything in her power to keep her and love her.
13. Knowledge that she'll never have to worry about APs closing an open adoption and keeping her family from her.
My guess is, a child would be pretty damn happy with mom's list and glad they both dodged the adoption bullet.
