Sunday, May 27, 2012

Pets, social media and babies....

What do these have in common? They're all adoptable. I don't have a new painting finished yet in the Silent Voices series so I was looking around Google images for some kind of picture to add to this post. When I Googled images for "adoption business, what did I find? I found business cards for greyhound adoptions, images for Fuzzy Faces Pet Adoption Services, sites about adopting social media for your business, ads placed by couples looking for their "forever children" and of course, pictures of Brad and Angelina.

So, what was the original intent for this post? This website. I am offended by this website on several levels. In fact, there have been several things going on online that are offensive. Is that a surprise? Of course not. That's just par for the course in adoption. There are stereotypical one-liners in movies that are insulting to adoptees, there are advertising agencies who guarantee they can find a baby if you just sign up with them, there are people with Ph.D.'s who think that adoptive parents are not given the respect and support from society that they need and it's her job to encourage that support. Maybe it's the mood I'm in but I'm in no mood to see this crap.

First things first. Someone shared the Adoption Advertising site on FB today so I thought I'd take a peek. These folks say they're not an adoption agency but....

"We know the adoption business well. Our backgrounds are both in adoption marketing and social work. And we have a heart for what we do. We carefully screen all our birth mothers to minimize your financial risk and have a very high percentage of placements. If you work with us, we guarantee that we will find you a baby!"

This is on the page where they talk about the costs of adoption....

"The following is a range of total costs and the minimum budget we require to work with us.. It does not include your homestudy, adoptive parent travel costs, and some states birth mother medical expenses, but does include our fee, travel costs for the birthmother, living expenses, social work and legal fees."

Caucasian: $25K - $40K   Min. Budget of $25K
Biracial: $18K to $25K      Min. Budget of $18K
AA: $15K to $20K              Min. Budget of $15K

On another page they do recommend that PAP's develop a relationship with "their birthmother". Why is that?

"Talk to Your Birthmother
There is no substitute for your personal interaction with your birth mother. From experience, we recommend that you call her regularly. A genuine rapport with the birth mother of your child is a common denominator of most successful adoptions. This may be a new experience for you and stretch your comfort level, but it’s worth it. It increases your chances of getting your baby and will give you valuable information, which you can share with your adopted child as he/she gets older. Of course, you must respect any boundaries that your birth mother has and always be gracious."

Well, certainly the PAP's need to be kind while they're working on the mother to get her baby. Of course if the PAPs are unsure of their skills they can always rely on the advertisers to provide the name of an attorney who can take care of it for them.....

"We have one adoption attorney we work with that gets surrenders on almost every birthmother he works with, whether in his backyard or across the country."

They may not call themselves an adoption agency but if it talks like one and charges like one.........

So now, on to the Ph.D. and her article Stigmas About Adoption Remain, and Hurt Families. She begins by talking about the comment in the movie The Avengers and it reminds her that there are still stigmas to deal with about adoption. She then spends the rest of the article talking about what the adoptive parents have to deal with and how they can cope. Wait a minute. I thought this was supposed to be about adoptees. As is typical, the author ends up sounding like just another mouthpiece for the adoption industry. Be sure to read the comments along with the article. As soon as I commented and mentioned that coercion still going on I got slammed by a very defensive AP. The discussion is still going on and is getting interesting.


  1. This is sickening. They don't even try to pretend, do they?

  2. Oh jebus crust I can't stomach this crap. It seriously makes me want to punch something or scream. My good gawd...

  3. Jebus crust is right. The Psychology Today article reads like a lecture on the politically correct way to think about adoption. Or should I say brainwashing? News Flash. Not everyone got the memo about what is the right way to think and feel about adoption. And I certainly did notice that the article was supposed to be about adoptees when, in fact, it was mostly about the adoptive parents. I doubt that the author even realized that she was focusing on the aps perspective as this is just par for the course in this culture. It reminds me of when people mention to me that I should be fine with being adopted because "your aps love you as much as they would a bio-child". That comment always irks me because it is not addressing my situation of actually being adopted but how they think my aps feel about me.