Opening up more conversation. This is what happens when word starts getting out. Documentaries start getting made and people start talking about it. I have family visiting from out town right now and when they ask about my daughter and how she's doing, it's another opportunity to share what I've been up to with this blog and about the Dan Rather Reports program. I did share and was able to help some loved ones understand more about what goes on in adoptoland. It was a good talk, they were receptive to what I had to say. They were compassionate and understanding.
Today we got together again and of course like so many other people, every one knows someone who either adopted or is an adoptee and has a story to share. This happened today. I don't usually mind. Sometimes I can use that as a lead in to a discussion about adoption reality but today it just didn't seem to be the right thing to do. Maybe because my mother was sitting right there with us. It's always difficult when that happens. The talk then turned to someone they (meaning my parents) knew who had adopted 2 children and then got pregnant. The natural child of the couple then died. Resulting comment - "that child was so wanted". What does that mean? Does it mean that the 2 adopted children weren't wanted? Does it mean that the adopted children were wanted but not quite as much as the child they gave birth to? Does it mean that if they HAD to lose a child why did it have to be THAT one - the one that they gave birth to instead of adopting? Maybe I'm reading way too much into the comment. I don't know but that's how it comes across to me.
Then I hear... "there's nothing worse in this world than losing a child". Well of course that's true whether it be through death or adoption. When I hear those words coming from my mother, that's when I shut down. All I could say was - "uh yeah, I know". Result = awkward silence. Other family member changes subject.
Another day in the life of living with adoption.