Friday, April 20, 2012

Young & unmarried = abuse & neglect?

Amanda at The Declassified Adoptee did another great post. Click the link to read the rest.

"Saying "I support Adoptee Rights" does not mean I left off the phrase "....because I hate everyone else in the triad, have no regard or respect for anyone else, and want the universe to revolve around me!" (Yeah, NCFA, I'm referring to you).  Being "Pro-Adoptee" does not mean that one is "anti-anyone else" any more than being "pro-woman" means I hate men (another stereotype).  I'd like to think that being pro-adoptee and pro-adoptee rights would make me pro-everyone else because, hopefully, everyone else cares for and wants to advocate for those adoptees just the same as I do."

I would also hope that everyone else advocates for the adoptee but sadly when I see open adoptions close I realize that isn't the case. Sometimes it seems like pure selfishness and other times it's a case of believing what the adoption industry says. When adoptive parents keep a newborn baby for themselves even though soon after the birth and surrender, they find out that the mother regrets the adoption and wants her child, that is not advocating for the  adoptee or the mother. It's only advocating for themselves. Who makes that possible? The industry. The business makes it possible because they've worked hard at making sure the revocation period in adoption is little to none. In my own state of FL there is no revocation period. The industry also makes it possible because they only advocate for the adoptive parents. Just like any other business, if you want to know where the interests lie, follow the money. Adoption consent can be signed by the mother only 48 hours after the birth and there is no changing her mind. You have more time than that when buying a house or a car yet making a lifelong decision such as adoption, that affects so many people's lives, can be done in an instant with no going back.

Sadly too many people in our society believe whatever the industry tells them. "Those babies are just going to end up in foster care anyway" I heard this from one of my own family members. This is someone who knows my history with adoption loss. Does he think that my daughter would have ended up in foster care? I don't know, I certainly hope he doesn't think that. I asked him that question but he didn't answer it. He's bought into the story of adoption vs. abuse and neglect, if a woman is young and unmarried, it's assumed she'll be abusive. He bought into it because he has a sibling who adopted a newborn. For some to admit that there is a real problem with newborn infant adoption, it would mean admitting that what they've held to be true isn't and how they acted on that belief actually caused harm instead of it being the "saving" act they thought it was. It's a very difficult and sad thing to see this situation in my own family when I'm sickened by what the industry does and how it treats babies and their mothers.

Hanging on to the stereotypes allow people to cling to the comfort of their beliefs without having to question their own motives. Stereotypes do abound and thanks to people like Amanda, who writes brilliantly, maybe these ideas will get chipped away little by little. 

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