Tuesday, January 4, 2011

The Unapologetic Campaign

I was taking a break from doing some art research and checking out Facebook when I saw a little video. I love it! What a simple thing - making the decision to stop apologizing for every little thing that doesn't require an apology! So many women do this - apologize not only for things that aren't wrong in the first place but for their very being. Sometimes they don't actually say these words but their behavior reflects the mindset - "I'm sorry I'm taking up space" "I'm sorry for breathing the air in the room" "I'm sorry I didn't spend a fortune on the gift I gave". What's the biggie us natural mothers are sorry for? Being human and getting pregnant.

What does all this apologizing say about us in general? Why do we feel like we're not worthy to speak up or even breathe the same air everyone else does? We bend to other's will, give in without speaking up and suffer in silence. Living like this is like living a shadow life. We're here but not really. What are we really apologizing for anyway, being female? Is that it?

From the time we're little girls we're taught to please. We had to please mom and dad, please the nuns and priests, please our teachers, please our friends, please our boyfriends, please our husband, please our bosses. We grow up with this habit so now it's.... please, please, please can we have an opinion of our own? (Funny, when you say a word enough times or write it enough times it starts to look ridiculous. Is that really a word?)

As a mom you nurture. As a parent you put your child first. When you grow up pleasing everyone and you find yourself in the vulnerable position of being pregnant you fall right back into pleasing mode. You want to do what's best for your baby of course so when your parents tell you what's best and your church tells you what's best and your counselor tells you what's best you do what you're told. All we wanted to do was make everyone happy. We were so sorry for the shame we brought on our families and communities that we lost not only our children but ourselves too.

I think it's time to join Cynthia's campaign and really think about when we say sorry. Let's save the "I'm sorry's" for when we've really done something to be sorry for. Maybe by doing that we can prevent some of the "I'm sorry" inducing behavior to begin with. Hurting someone is a reason to say you're sorry. Loving someone and creating new life is not a reason to apologize. It's time to evolve beyond those who decided that it was shameful. A baby should be a celebration. Maybe someday we can get past the nonsense of worrying about whether or not a pregnant woman is wearing a ring on her finger and in turn making her feel like she has to say she's sorry. A child's life and connection to mom is far more important than that!

PS: the woman who introduced me to Cynthia's blog was Alyson Stanfield If you're an artist and don't know who she is, check out her website and books. She has great marketing info.

PPS: and, for a dear friend of mine...... apologizing because you reused a gift bag when you were thoughtful enough to give a gift to someone is just plain silly - so stop it! ;)

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