Tuesday, December 7, 2010

How Much is That Baby in the Window?

“But what about adoptive mothers who want to maintain Their privacy.

I changed diapers for all those years. No one needs to know I did not give birth. Because I worked for the OB-gyn It was arranged for me to put on a gown and lie in the hospital bed so my family could visit and see our new baby.

No one needs to know they were adopted.”

The above quote is something I read in the comments to an article about opening adoption records. First I was shocked, then I thought - how sick is that?, then I felt sad for her children. Do they even know they were adopted or are they going to find out as adults when they try to get a passport and are denied or they have problems getting their driver's licenses because their birth certificate is amended? If they do know they are adopted then will they be held to some ridiculous code of secrecy so that no one else finds out? Will they have to live their lives lying to their friends and families? Is she going to remind them of the charade of wearing a hospital gown, lying in bed acting as if she's recovering from giving birth so they feel guilty about sharing their own personal information?

I really question the mental stability of a woman who will go to this extreme to pretend that she gave birth to these children. How does a person like this qualify to adopt a child in the first place? She actually sounds like one of those people who goes shopping and hides the receipts but these are people, not a new dress that cost more than she'd want to admit to.

Here's another commenter from the same article....

“These were very expensive adoptions. Our children have gone to the best schools and gained admission to fine universities­. Their mothers could not have done well for them, as the poor girls had no impulse control and could not even name the fathers.

Medical History is not needed. I know this as a nurse. I worked for the doctor who delivered all my children and their mothers were healthy.”

Gosh, she paid a lot of money for those children. She should certainly be able to hide not only those receipts but their medical history too - "their mothers were healthy". I was also healthy in 1980. Things can change in 20 to 30 years. As a nurse she doesn't realize this?

I feel for the children of both of these women. What's going to happen to the relationship they have with their adoptive parents when the lies are exposed? Parents like these are not doing what's best for their children. They're not thinking ahead or thinking of their children's needs. There is a part of me that feels sad for these parents. I feel sad for the person who feels so insecure that they have to create a fantasy around their family, spend a lifetime living with lies and in the process potentially harm their adopted children. They don't even realize that they're hurting themselves in addition to the pain they're going to cause their children. So, then I think about their adopted children who will grow up to be adult adoptees with problems created by their parents and I just get pissed off! What makes a person feel they can claim ownership to another human being? I want people like this to shop for a therapist instead of a baby.


  1. Could not agree more. My first thought was, this woman is too unbalanced to raise children, how does she criticize the first mother whose story she doesn't even know? Anyone who puts on a theatrical production to create a life that didn't happen is just scarey.

    And I pity her children or any who find out that they are adopted when they are denied a passport, but that is what will happen with far too many. Whether our country likes it or not, this is an issue that will need to be addressed now, if for no other reason than the Patriot Act. Things have changed, we need to deal with it.

  2. I read the same comments...

    Sadly this was a common scenario in my era...but thankfully not my reality...

    My mother was in "excellent health" when she had me and four decades later when I needed history - she had already passed on...