Sunday, August 8, 2010


"We are also praying that God would intervene in this situation and change the birth mother's heart. We are praying that Holy Spirit would speak to her mind and her heart and remind her of the promises she made, promises to give us those girls."

"as much money as we've spent on doctor's visits, artificial insemination and two IVF cycles we would NEVER even CONSIDER giving them up"

Wow and wow again! These are the words of a prospective adoptive father on his blog He is hoping to adopt twin girls and when the girls were born their mother and father decided to take more time to make this monumental decision. They are reconsidering and these pap's are not happy. This sums up for me what is wrong with the adoption industry. You hear things that basically say..."she promised..... wah..." "I spent a lot of money, give me your kid, you can't back out now" They refer to the children as theirs. That one just amazes me. How did people get to this place of such entitlement?! Children that are still in the womb are considered their property. If this man could never even consider giving them up after spending so much money, why in the hell should he expect a woman who carried those babies for nine months, birthed them, shares DNA with them, loves them with all her heart, was physically connected to them, is bonded with them to just say - oh, okay. I promised so here you go, I don't have to think about it. So now I guess God is supposed to go to that mother and say - well, you know they really did spend an awful lot of money, you should give them your children.

I'm just so flabbergasted. I don't think there's enough words in the English language to convey how disgusted I am by this. It also amazes me how many people think this attitude is not only okay, but normal. In my humble opinion, they never should've met the mother of those girls. They have no business pressuring someone like this. They have no right to claim ownership of the babies. They would probably say that they are not pressuring her. Well, simply being there, having a relationship with her and her knowing that you're waiting for her to give birth so you can take her child or children IS pressure. Hurray for her being strong enough to take the time needed to make this decision. There shouldn't even be a search for prospective adoptive parents until AFTER the mother is healed from giving birth, has spent time with her baby, is past the post-partum hormone changes (which takes weeks) and has come to the conclusion on her own that she cannot and does not want to keep the child. Not one minute before that should anyone consider that child belonging to anyone else but that mother. How dare anyone lay claim to another woman's child before that child is even born and then actually pray for a mother and child to be separated.

I understand that people who have fertility problems suffer. I get that. I've seen family members go through it. However.... it is not another woman's job to fill that void. In this instance and many others like it, whose needs are the pap's looking to take care of - honestly? Are they really thinking of the child or are they thinking of themselves? I don't know what that mother is going to decide but whatever it is it needs to be her decision free from the influence of other people. She and the children will have to live with the consequences of that decision.

I can't even think about this anymore today. Time to do something creative.


  1. I feel sad for those who are blind. Does that mean I should give them my eyes? When I get mad I either paint, swim or walk. This makes me mad.

  2. I actually attempted to post on this blog - the man would not post it because I said that maybe her reluctance was God's way of saying NO.

    Being entitled is sick, it created many atrocities and continues to do so.

  3. I love the way he said people have the right to comment, but then he shut comments off. A liar *and* a coward. What tremendous father material... not.

  4. Kind of reminds me of NCFA asking for our stories and then deleting some of them. And deleting all of our wall posts.

  5. I'd given them a Blog of Shame award on my blog...they didn't seem to like that as they immediately went "dark" and closed their comments. But maybe by exposing these people to other PAPs out there, I'll be able to help a few of them realize that adoption isn't supposed to be easy.

  6. and maybe by talking about attitudes like this we can get people to see adoption from a different angle and realize that there is a sense of entitlement from so many couples and open some eyes to the damage that's done to others.